Gena

Topics: Eating Disorders

"I came from a very average American middle class household and felt like I had the perfect family. My parents were both teachers and loved inspiring the kids that they worked with to be their very best. I danced since the age of three and felt that I needed to be the perfect child for my perfect parents.  We moved around a lot and each time I noticed a change in me. I went from feeling secure and confident to completely alone and afraid. To make matters worse my parents decided to get a divorce; I felt completely abandoned and that no one understood me. Despite my feelings of insecurity, I still found solace in dance...until my dance teacher started pointing out the imperfections in my very normal 12 year-old body in front of the whole class.  I was so humiliated that I decided I would do anything to look like the other girls.  Even though they were older and had more mature bodies, I thought if I could look like them at my young age, it would solve all my insecurity issues and I could be the perfect child I thought I was expected to be.  Shortly thereafter I was introduced to purging.  I was twelve years old when I began my eating disorder, and I remember how wrong and dirty it felt.  I knew it was wrong because I felt like I had to hide it, but even then I convinced myself I didn’t have a problem.  I was wrong. 

It progressed to a point where I didn’t even notice the wake up calls my body gave me: my body literally falling apart, passing out at school, not being able to catch my breath, and a developed heart condition.  Finally, my best friends intervened. I was sixteen. They helped me see that I wasn’t just hurting myself, but I was hurting my family and friends.  I owe those friends my life. After my intervention I found the courage to tell my mom I needed help and within a week I was put under the care of a therapist and my physician. 

I was kept under heavy supervision and remained there for a couple years.  My road to recovery has definitely been a long one and is still a work in progress.  I still meet with a therapist and for the first time in many years I have discovered  a positive self image, but I always think why didn’t I just reach out to someone sooner?!   I thank God every day that I have such a strong support network.   My friends and family help keep me on track, because I know now that my actions have consequences that affect everyone who loves me."